Muffin eaters, how can you eat muffins?

The great space bear book says that if you eat muffins you will spend eternity in the afterlife writhing in constant pain while red ill-defined creatures shove pitchforks up your behind. I realize, pathetic humans, that muffins are tasty and that many of you doubt the great space bear book (even though it is a 100% accurate historical text), but why risk this terrible afterlife just to eat some muffins?